no news is news

I’ve been posting a lot lately, but I haven’t been saying anything. Anything I have been saying has been behind so many layers of filters and screens that it might as well not have been said at all.

I don’t have anything else to share about my music, or any new photos to post. I haven’t made any posts about neurofeedback because I haven’t been there lately. I don’t remember how to write about me, and I’m not going to write about work, because really, who would want to read that?

My head is heavy, and so many things feel like they’re going to be forever what they are today, and what they are today isn’t what I want.

98% of the people who were in my life five years ago aren’t anymore; and while that was my decision (or at least 98% of the time, it was), it’s painfully obvious that the people I’d like to spend my time with are so few in number that it’s very nearly impossible to get a handful of them in the same room at once, much less build a circle of friends or community with. I don’t have symbol or metaphor to express how completely, shockingly isolating that is.

I used to believe — used to know — that there was always an exit, a process to bring the things I needed close — even if it wasn’t obvious or easy. I don’t know how to feel that way anymore, and I don’t even know if there’s anything to do about it.

This isn’t what I want.

Life in the South Side

I love my home. It’s great. Huge, full of crazy shit and secret passages, a wet bar, a pool. I’m renting a killer house in a neighbourhood that would otherwise be way, way beyond my pay grade. We were lucky enough to get a great deal when we moved in last year, and our rent is dirt cheap. Much cheaper than it was at our old place, in fact. But, as I say, the neighbourhood is completely insane. Million-dollar homes everywhere.

Lysandra and I took a walk around the block today, and I happened to have my camera with me. Feast your eyes upon the excesses of my neighbours!

Porsche

Benz

Seems a bit dodgey

MG

Mini Cooperr

1947 Mercury

(I didn’t bother taking photos of the lesser luxury brands, like Lexus or Audi.)

Recovering Goths Inc

Gothtronic reviews Bone Music:

The still relatively unknown Ad.ver.sary project of the Canadian Jairus Khan surprises with a debut album which combines the best of spherical ambient IDM and technoid rhythmic industrial. Here the worlds of Asche and Converter on the one hand and acts like Displacer and Tonikom, merge into a perfect one. But beware, Bone Music is an album with tracks that aim for the dancefloor with a focus on the rhythms. Constantly changing patterns and sound textures in the various tracks go well together with technoid atmospheres and in a song such as ‘Waiting for Gira’ also a rocking guitar and bass lick is included, later joined by heavy drums. At other moments a track is build up with piano loops and violins to create a more majestic atmosphere together with slowed-down breakbeats.

Next up are atmospheres which are more claustrophobic and threatening, with fast distorted beats and glitch sounds. What is striking is that the compositions have been carefully arranged, with layer upon layer resulting in a complex microcosm of sampled sounds, synth textures and rhythms. ‘Ancient’ perfectly illustrates this. Also the aggressive ‘Number Nine’ is an impressive sonic spectacle, which in the remix by Synapscape gets a more compact treatment. Bone Music is a refreshing album in this genre and it furthermore combines a wide array of electronic influences into a complex yet terrifying cold sound. The album furthermore contains remixes from Tonikom and Antigen Shift and a bonustrack, in which Ad.ver.sary has remixed fellow Canadians Urusai. Recommended and also another splendid release from the young Tympanik Audio label. (8.5)

AVS BM in SL

A new Bone Music review (in hilarious english) from Side-Line:

Jairus Khan aka Ad-ver-sary is a Canadian artist we discover through some remixes he made for Converter and Iszoloscope. It took more or less 3 years to this musician to write and achieve his debut release. It’s for sure a good thing to remain patient when composing your first release. Ad-ver-sary seemed to have taken the time to meticulously elaborate and create an own sound. The result is a fascinating mix between astonishing rhythms and well-crafted ambient atmospheres. The rhythmic is an essential element in the music. The complexity and power of the rhythms is simply great. It moves in between ritual and tribal styles while it sounds industrial as well. The percussion for sure makes the sound identity of this project!

Behind this overwhelming rhythmic side comes a sonic puzzle of cold ambient soundsculptures. Here again Ad-ver-sary surprises in maturity and especially in knowledge for creating such arrangements. The main mood of this ambient part sounds definitely cold and a bit industrial like as well while some cool samplings have been added on top. It’s not that easy to define the style of this project, but once again Tympanik Audio has signed a progressive ambient project covering a wider layer of influences.

Once again it’s quite difficult to give you some favorite tracks as the entire album is worthy of examination. The tracks “Number Nine” and “Just (Spooks)” are probably both belonging to the best part of this album. As a bonus we also get remixes by Tonikom, Antigen Shift and Synapscape. Tonikom did a cool job on the remix of “Friends Of Father” sounding less dark while the remix of “Number nine” by Synapscape is also quite well-done. One more great release on the promising Tympanik Audio!

ReView

ReGen reviews Bone Music:

Bone Music is a rather impressive outing for Jairus Khan, proving that he has the chops to become a hero in the industrial music scene. With a hearty helping of melody and thoughtful arrangement coupled with a command of experimental noise and sound manipulation, Ad·ver·sary finds a balance between the brutal and the beautiful, sometimes unsettling and sometimes soothing, while still maintaining its own personality in the wake of a number of similar artists.

Ad·ver·sary News

1: An interview with Side-Line:

SL. The music on your site is released under a Creative Commons license. Any particular reason?

A. I download a lot of music. A lot. I’ll go through gigs and gigs of it, and buy the albums I like – and it really frustrates me when I open the cd and there’s some snarky message in the liner notes saying “thank you for not downloading this like those other scumbags”. Well, I did download it, and that’s why I bought it.

2: A review from ChainDLK:

Bone Music offers a very well thought out and developed blend of instrumental industrial, EBM, ambient, and noise. The key to this album is Khan’s ability to blend organic soundscapes and harsh industrialized rhythms and noise in a way that strikes a balance between what many would consider to be two mutually exclusive musical forms. Indeed, throughout the album, neither approach dominates the other. Some of the stand out cuts from Bone Music include the album’s lead off track “Ancients” which utilizes very simple samples and effects that gradually build up into a very powerful and driving industrial tour de force that is harsh and mechanical while maintaining a sense of musicality, and “Waiting for Gira” which features a very ominous militaristic beat that is backed by subtle soundscapes and a very evocative guitar part that is interestingly reminiscent of U2. For those of you who like harder hitting noise driven pieces “No Exit” and “Number Nine” are aggressive and cacophonous workouts straight from the factory. Overall, Bone Music is a great album that provides a glimmer of hope that industrial music is not dead.

Bone Music – Available Now

Bone Music is out now. Rather than write pretentiously about my own album, I’m going to let my label’s press release do it for me:

Hailing from the Canadian electronic music underground after a decade of Techno and Industrial DJ and promotional work, Jairus Khan, aka Ad·ver·sary, now presents his debut album three years in the making. While providing North American tour support for such acts as Terrorfakt, Antigen Shift, Cyanotic, Adam X, Iszoloscope and others, his many remixes of such Industrial Noise icons as Converter and Iszoloscope have enjoyed heavy club and airplay around the world. Now, Ad·ver·sary is ready to conquer minds and destroy dancefloors with his debut album ‘Bone Music’ out May 13th on Tympanik Audio. Hard Industrial rhythms meet enormous organic soundscapes to create what Re:Gen Magazine calls “…a balance between the brutal and the beautiful.” Featuring remixes by Antigen Shift, Tonikom, and Synapscape. Mastered by Yann Faussurier of Iszoloscope. Get ready to rock.

…as promised, I’m also making the entire album available for download under a CC license, free of charge, with all album art and liner notes included.(If so inclined, you could even print out the art, burn the CD, and use an old jewel case to make a DIY copy of the album.)

Tracklisting:
1) Ancients (7:41)
2) Waiting For Gira (3:04)
3) Friends Of Father (6:40)
4) Bone Music (7:12)
5) International Dark Skies (7:06)
6) No Exit (5:15)
7) Number Nine (9:48)
8) Just (Spooks) (6:41)
9) Epilogue (0:59)
10) Friends Of Father (Tonikom Remix) (6:01)
11) Bone Music (Antigen Shift Remix) (4:44)
12) Number Nine (Synapscape Remix) (4:01)
13) Urusai - Learned Helplessness (Destroy And Contaminate Mix By Ad·ver·sary) (Bonus Track - 7:56)

I do have copies in Ottawa that I’m going to see about selling at End Hits (or somewhere) before the Tympanik release party in July, but I’d prefer that if you’re going to buy the album now, you buy it directly from the label online (or at the Kinetik festival in Montreal). Tympanik Audio has supported my idea to distro the album for free online as an experiment, even though they think it’s a terrible idea — and I’d like them to see that it will help early sales, rather than hurt them.

My sincere thanks to everyone for all of your support over the last three years — I hope you enjoy the music.

ad-ver-sary.com

928

Was hoping to wake up early and start writing up an entry about the trip so far, but I had a profoundly upsetting dream last night, and I’m still trying to get my head back on straight.

Later, maybe.

me meme

A list of the top 106 books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded but you never actually crack the cover.

Bold the ones you’ve read, underline the ones you read for school (I don’t recall having to read any of these for school), italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish. Put an asterisk * next to the ones you’d read again or recommend to someone, even if you originally read them for school.

1. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell *
2. Anna Karenina
3. Crime and Punishment *
4. Catch-22 *

5. One Hundred Years of Solitude
6. Wuthering Heights
7. The Silmarillion
8. Life of Pi : a novel

9. The Name of the Rose
10. Don Quixote
11. Moby Dick

12. Ulysses
13. Madame Bovary
14. The Odyssey
15. Pride and Prejudice
16. Jane Eyre
17. A Tale of Two Cities
18. The Brothers Karamazov
19. Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies *
20. War and Peace
21. Vanity Fair
22. The Time Traveler’s Wife
23. The Iliad
24. Emma
25. The Blind Assassin
26. The Kite Runner
27. Mrs. Dalloway
28. Great Expectations
29. American Gods *
30. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
31. Atlas Shrugged
32. Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
33. Memoirs of a Geisha *
34. Middlesex
35. Quicksilver
36. Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
37. The Canterbury Tales
38. The Historian : a novel
39. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
40. Love in the Time of Cholera
41. Brave New World *
42. The Fountainhead
43. Foucault’s Pendulum

44. Middlemarch
45. Frankenstein
46. The Count of Monte Cristo
47. Dracula
48. A Clockwork Orange
49. Anansi Boys *
50. The Once and Future King
51. The Grapes of Wrath
52. The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
53. 1984 *
54. Angels & Demons
55. The Inferno *
56. The Satanic Verses

57. Sense and Sensibility
58. The Picture of Dorian Gray
59. Mansfield Park
60. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
61. To the Lighthouse
62. Tess of the D’Urbervilles
63. Oliver Twist
64. Gulliver’s Travels

65. Les Misérables
66. The Corrections
67. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
68. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
69. Dune *
70. The Prince *

71. The Sound and the Fury
72. Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
73. The God of Small Things
74. A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
75. Cryptonomicon *
76. Neverwhere

77. A Confederacy of Dunces
78. A Short History of Nearly Everything
79. Dubliners
80. The Unbearable Lightness of Being *
81. Beloved
82. Slaughterhouse-Five *

83. The Scarlet Letter
84. Eats, Shoots & Leaves
85. The Mists of Avalon
86. Oryx and Crake : a novel
87. Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
88. Cloud Atlas
89. The Confusion
90. Lolita
91. Persuasion
92. Northanger Abbey
93. The Catcher in the Rye
94. On the Road
95. The Hunchback of Notre Dame
96. Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything *
97. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

98. The Aeneid
99. Watership Down *
100. Gravity’s Rainbow
101. The Hobbit
102. In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
103. White Teeth
104. Treasure Island
105. David Copperfield
106. The Three Musketeers

908

One of the weirdest things about this trip is the peek it gives on how I could have turned out.

I’m a bit of a celebrity here, because I’m the only one of Flint’s children who made it to his sister’s funeral (the big man himself was explicitly uninvited, and was smart enough to stay away).

Of course, no one here really knows me. They know a part of my story, or what I was like when I was eight or ten or fourteen. (One aunt refuses to refer to me by my name, she calls me “the genius” instead, like I’m from a different world.)

I’m asked a lot why I never moved back to montreal, why I’m not moving back now. There’s opportunity abound (this cousin just bought a fido store on a whim, that uncle runs a very successful new media firm, etc.) and it’s difficult to articulate my reasons in ways that make any sense to them.

The stories shared over drinks (congac that I could never afford, let alone appreciate) are equally alien: turning Bill Gates down for an opportunity to invest in Microsoft in ’73, trying to call a cab to a family-owned factory in the heart of Compton at 4AM, or paying off a hit on a brother to save their life (and then telling them years later how much they regretted it).

More to come as I get the chance to post it.

tbgo

I’m in Montreal for a funeral. It was for one of my aunts, someone who helped take care of me when I was young, after my dad kidnapped me. (I didn’t post about it before, because I didn’t want to advertise that the largest gathering of clan Kaya in twenty years would be in range of one well-placed grenade.)

This is the most involved that I’ve been with my father’s side of the family since those days, and it feels like I’m through the looking glass. Limos, private restaurants, multimillion dollar homes, arguments about who stole the will from who…

It’s all very surreal. I’ll try to take some photos.

If I want to see you, all I have to do…

Last night, I dreamt that I was surrounded by old friends, close friends. We had pulled an art heist, a big one, and despite how perfectly orchestrated and executed it was, the police were closing in on us. They didn’t have proof, but they knew it was us, and they weren’t going to stop until we were caught. All I could see was everything I owned, everything I’d worked for, gone; replaced by a set of handcuffs.

I wonder what that means?