Six Degrees of Awesome

From me to Johnny Cash in 5 steps.

  1. I (Ad·ver·sary) was remixed by J.F. Coleman (of Phylr)
  2. J.F. Coleman was in Baby Zizanie with J.G. Thirlwell
  3. J.G. Thirlwell was in The The with Sinead O’Connor
  4. Sinead O’Connor wrote “Don’t Give Up” with Willie Nelson
  5. Willie Nelson was in The Highwaymen with Johnny Cash!

Huzzah!

Triumph 31

Saturday was my birthday, which capped off a week of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I thought ‘shingles’ sounded like some weird hilarious skin condition that made you look like a lizard or perhaps the roof of a country home. I am pretty doped up on painkillers at the moment but I believe it is fair to say I was off base there.

Anyway.

Saturday was my birthday! I received very nearly a hundred birthday greetings and well-wishes, which I am totally floored by. Thank you all so much.

Audra got me a present! It is a toothbrush!

Let me tell you about this toothbrush!

It is the ORAL-B TRIUMPH PROFESSIONAL CARE 9900, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Do not mock this toothbrush, it is SERIOUS BUSINESS! Witness this FLOSS-ACTION HEAD!

IT MEANS BUSINESS. Does YOUR toothbrush come with this much stuff?

I DON’T THINK SO! Does YOUR toothbrush have a base station that wirelessly monitors your use of the oscillating-rotating technology-enhanced brush using the 2.4 GHz ISM band?

IT IS UNLIKELY! Does YOUR toothbrush include a separate ProWhite polishing brushhead and a massage mode for optimum gum health?

If it does, you are the proud owner of a ORAL-B TRIUMPH PROFESSIONAL CARE 9900 and I would like to meet with you regularly to discuss how much better our toothbrushes are than everyone elses! Do you remember life before the ORAL-B TRIUMPH PROFESSIONAL CARE 9900? I hardly do. Can you imagine, MANUALLY moving the bristles around on the end of a stick like some kind of barbarian?

Neither can I.

So, thank you, Audra, for this amazing birthday gift! Thank you for elevating me over all of those people I once considered ‘friends’ to the lofty position I now occupy, which I do not think is hyperbolic to describe as ‘godlike’.

The War Against Free (or: Oh Crap!)

Why record labels will never win the war against free: An experiment.

The whole file sharing phenomenon (and legal music downloading) is largely driven by a powerful psychological aversion to being cheated.

It turns out that free is so powerful not because it’s free, but because it allows us to minimize the risk of being cheated. Duke University behavioral economist Dan Ariely conducted an interesting experiment to understand “free”, which he writes about in his book Predictably Irrational.

First, he and his colleagues sold random college students two kinds of chocolates. One was Lindt Truffles from Switzerland. The second was Hersheys Kisses. The truffles were 15 cents and the Kisses were 1 cent. The students reasoned that the difference in price between the two chocolates was due to quality. 73% chose the truffles and 27% chose the Kisses.

Then Ariely did something interesting. He introduced free into the experiment. He lowered the price of each chocolate by 1 cent, so the truffles were now 14 cents and the Kisses were free. All of a sudden, preference for the Kisses skyrocketed.

Ariely concluded that free is so enticing because it eliminates the risk of buyer’s remorse, or what I like to call the “Oh, crap!” factor. Nobody wants to buy something and then discover that it’s not what they expected. Even if the price of that thing is just a few cents, the psychological aversion still exists. When something is free, that risk is eliminated entirely. It may still not be what you expected, but at least you didn’t lose anything by paying for it.

Homoerotic Sexual Terrorism

This information and analysis was compiled elsewhere, not by me. The majority of the information comes from the thirteen-volume report of the Joint Select Committee established by Congress in 1871 to “inquire into the condition of affairs in the late insurrectionary states”.

“The Klan Report” contains dozens of accounts, many of them firsthand, of men and women of both races who were the objects of sexual terror. (If you are uncomfortable with descriptions and analysis of racial and sexual terrorism, you probably don’t want to read any further.)

The utility of the Report is further enhanced by the fact that testimony, substantial portions of which are confirmed by external sources, was elicited across a wide spectrum of southern society, from the humblest freedpeople to the most esteemed planters and politicians.

An illustrative example from one of South Carolina’s major Ku Klux Klan trials evokes something of the texture and meanings that may be gleaned from the historical record of these atrocities.

Arguing for the defense, Cyrus Melton seeks to vindicate his client by employing a familiar courtroom tactic – refuting guilt through emotive reference to the heinousness of the crime alleged. With studied disbelief, he queries “Was ravishing helpless women a part of this conspiracy?”

“We have had here, from women, details of the most disgusting character, put forward for the purpose of showing from this act that ravishing women was one of the purposes of this organization. Now, I ask you, do you believe it, and that there did exist upon the face of God’s earth an organization which would have among its purposes that of committing these gross outrages upon helpless women?”

While he plainly oversimplified the prosecution’s position for rhetorical effect, it is nonetheless true that the KKK and its imitators purposefully resorted not only to rape, but to an entire spectrum of sexual crime as a means of advancing their agenda. Whereas Melton depicts the “ravishing” of freedwomen as an unintended, even regrettable, consequence of klansmanship, I contend that sexual terror was in actuality among the KKK’s most starkly defining features, designedly effected to compromise the stability, resolve, and selfhood of the newly freed slaves at the same time it punished their white “accomplices” as traitors to their race, thereby denying them the privileges of color that would otherwise have accrued.

A. Group Sexualized Whipping

Of the thousands of physical assaults perpetrated by the Reconstruction-era Klan, whipping was by far the most commonplace.
Klansmen exercised little restraint in these attacks, subjecting men, women, and children of all ages and colors to brutal lashings that resulted in the deaths of many and serious injury to countless more.

While it would be an overstatement to assert that all, or even most, of these attacks were unambiguously sexual in nature, it is fair to say that even“ordinary” klan whippings often bore a distinctly sexualized cast.

Continue reading

Cuts Me Up

The Top 20 Alternative Videos of 1990, as recorded by the 120 Minutes historical playlist archive.

  1. Depeche Mode “Enjoy The Silence”
  2. Jane’s Addiction “Been Caught Stealing”
  3. Peter Murphy “Cut You Up”
  4. Sinead O’Connor “Nothing Compares 2 U”
  5. Sonic Youth “Cool Thing”
  6. The Sundays “Here’s Where The Story Ends”
  7. The Charlatans U-K “The Only One I Know”
  8. Midnight Oil “Blue Sky Mine”
  9. The Cure “Never Enough”
  10. Concrete Blonde “Joey”
  11. The Soup Dragons “I’m Free”
  12. World Party “Way Down Now”
  13. Nine Inch Nails “Head Like A Hole”
  14. The Jesus and Mary Chain “Head On”
  15. Cocteau Twins “Iceblink Luck”
  16. The Pixies “Dig For Fire/Allison”
  17. The Stone Roses “Fool’s Gold”
  18. The House of Love “I Don’t Know Why I Love You”
  19. Iggy Pop “Candy”
  20. Happy Mondays “Step On”

(Via MeFi.)

Yesterday’s radical is today’s conservative.

On norms:

“This is Chauncy Morlan, and around 100 years ago his obesity was so shocking that people would pay money to see him as he toured the country as a circus “fat man”. I find the unremarkableness of his size to be a telling sign of how we’ve pushed the limits of obesity in the past 100 years.”

(Related, via MeFi: Weighing 607 pounds, Bruce Snowdon was a sideshow fat man from 1977 to 2003, billed as “Harold Huge”. His death on Nov. 9, 2009, at the age of 63 marks the end of a long tradition dating back centuries.)

#93: Watch Grey’s Anatomy

The World’s Most Popular Goals (as compiled by 43 Things) is simultaneously fascinating and depressing.

As you might figure, health and weight issues top the list:

  • #1 lose weight 37876 people
  • #28 eat healthier 10505 people
  • #31 get in shape 9647 people
  • #32 Quit Smoking 8897 people
  • #49 Lose 20 pounds 6818 people
  • #55 Lose 10 pounds 6098 people
  • #63 exercise more 5282 people
  • #64 Lose 30 pounds 5274 people

These make me just want to give everyone on 43 Things a big hug:

  • #4 Fall in love 25197 people
  • #16 Make new friends 13138 people
  • #27 be more confident 10606 people
  • #65 make more friends 5273 people
  • #73 love myself 4640 people
  • #84 Stop caring what other people think of me 4051 people

We discover that it isn’t easy being German:

  • #12 Learn Spanish 16100 people
  • #24 learn french 11036 people
  • #30 Learn Japanese 9952 people
  • #57 learn italian 5915 people
  • #71 learn german 4703 people
  • #88 Learn another language 3906 people

…and we examine our culture’s ongoing existential crisis:

  • #5 be happy 22713 people
  • #22 To live instead of exist 11181 people
  • #43 identify 100 things that make me happy (besides money) 7449 people
  • #46 decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life 7068 people
  • #59 live passionately 5608 people
  • #94 figure out what i want to do with my life 3711 people

Strange Worlds

Matthew Albanese builds micro-universes to take photos of places he’ll never go to.

Tornado: steel wool, cotton, ground parsley and moss.

He builds them out of household items. flour, cotton, cinnamon, rocks, tables, dollhouses, fun fur…

My work involves the construction of small-scale meticulously detailed models using various materials and objects to create emotive landscapes. Every aspect from the construction to the lighting of the final model is painstakingly pre-planned using methods which force the viewers perspective when photographed from a specific angle. Using a mixture of photographic techniques such as scale, depth of field, white balance and lighting I am able to drastically alter the appearance of my materials.

If you happen to be in NYC, he has an exhibition opening at the Winkleman Gallery on May 7th.

(Via MNN.)

Once more with feeling

Because keywords are easier than content, another sampling of search referrers:

  • quantum particles superposition
  • sharktopus
  • can you go to prison for murdering someone
  • dun dun dun dun da da da da dah
  • vampirella sucks
  • fucking machine turnstile
  • what happens to atoms when they are in heat

I thought we weren’t supposed to cross the streams

Congratulations to all the women and men at CERN, where they have been successfully colliding beams at 7 TeV in the Large Hadron Collider for over an hour now.

Particle physicists around the world are looking forward to a potentially rich harvest of new physics as the LHC begins its first long run at an energy three and a half times higher than previously achieved at a particle accelerator.

“It’s a great day to be a particle physicist,” said CERN1 Director General Rolf Heuer. “A lot of people have waited a long time for this moment, but their patience and dedication is starting to pay dividends.”

Shine on you crazy bastards.

Clockpuncher

I wrote a big depressing entry about what a shit mood I’m in, but it’s too self-indulgent for even me to post.

So instead, here’s a photo of me about to leave work for the day.

Happy Monday, everyone.

Are we there yet?

+ I ate delicious barbeque for a week while I was in Texas!
– However, I might have broken my wrist there.
+ …while I was riding a mechanical bull.
– …because of an Irishman who thinks he’s HILARIOUS.
– Irishmen.
+ Audra has been staying with me at my apartment for the last week since I got back, and it has been the best week I’ve had in a long, long time.
+ I will be taking over a larger 1-bedroom apartment in my building at the end of the month!
+ This means I will have room to get a portable dishwasher. Oh sweet jesus yes.
+ I’m doing some really awesome UI/Wordpress stuff at work for the new website.
+ A lot of people are going to be using it after it launches.
– A very heavy speaker fell off a shelf and onto my face on Tuesday.
– Percocet seems to serve only to make me nauseous and useless.
± The combination of facial abrasions, fat lip, and splinted wrist appears to encourage strangers to be very, very nice to me.
+ Booking for the bigass autumn tour is going well.
– I need more downtime.